To My First Love, With Regret - 87

Eve was lost in thought as she walked along the platform.

Shhhhhh!

The locomotive let out a violent hiss of steam, signaling its imminent departure. The conductor blew a sharp whistle and began to shout.

—All aboard!

At that signal, the passengers loitering on the platform swarmed into the third-class carriages with reluctant faces. Most were soldiers with somber expressions; after all, this was a train headed for the battlefield.

—I’m going with you!

A boy, seemingly of school age, clung to his father in uniform, throwing a tantrum. Watching them made Eve think of Tony, who had been pleading with her until last night.

—I’ll be good, so can’t you take me with you?

—Tony, where I’m going isn’t a war-themed playground. It’s a real battlefield where actual bombs fall.

She had used the excuse that it was too dangerous to take him to such a place of death, but in truth, home was no longer safe for Tony either.

No—as long as Ethan Fairchild existed, the entire world was a place of death targeting Tony.

If… in the worst-case scenario… I give birth to a son, Ethan might kill Tony to make that child the Duke.

This might be an excessively extreme delusion. Didn’t Ethan adore Tony?

In fact, that made it even more suspicious.

The ‘kindness’ of returning a portion of her fortune was merely bait to lure her into a trap he had dug. It was wiser to assume that behind the face smiling at Tony, he held a knife.

Evelyn Sherwood, don’t be fooled.

Eve had always been stabbed in the back like this after believing in human goodwill. This time, the price of being deceived would not stop at mere property. Once a child’s life is lost, it cannot be recovered.

Should she hide Tony far away? Somewhere beyond the reach of that man’s devilish hands?

But as she already knew, as long as Ethan Fairchild’s organization had invisible roots stretching across the entire country, there was no safe haven for Tony.

In that case, it was better to keep him right before her eyes in a domain she could completely control. She had already attached a dense network of surveillance to Tony under the plausible excuse that ‘a Duke always travels with bodyguards and attendants.’

Even then, unable to shake her anxiety, Eve had gone so far as to leave instructions for Chantal before setting out.

—Ethan Fairchild is trying to take Kentrell through me. It means he might try to kill Tony. Never take your eyes off him.

Under the weight of shared interests, one can even join hands with an enemy. At the very least, the two of them were perfect allies regarding the fact that Tony must survive.

Chantal, who had been raving about how her suspicions were right all along, was close to a madwoman. However, the words she poured out next were clearly not a slip of the tongue made in excitement, but her true, demonic intent.

—Our baby would be safe if you could never have children again. If you truly love Tony, you should consider sterilization.

But for the sake of Tony’s future, she could not give up on having a child. Yet, the moment that child was born, Tony’s entire future might be snatched away.

Trapped in this horrific dilemma, her terror reached its peak, and Eve even arrived at a dangerous thought.

Should I confess to Ethan that Tony is his son?

It would be the surest way to stop his ignorant murderous intent toward his own blood and save Tony’s life. Simultaneously, Eve would no longer have any reason to conceive another child.

Though, it would mean surrendering herself to the invader and offering up everything that was hers. Not just her family name, but her very self.

Ethan wouldn’t be satisfied with just usurping Kentrell. It became clearer with every passing day they spent sleeping together. He was obsessed with Eve as more than just a tool for invasion. Was it a twisted sense of possessiveness? A future where he kept her tied to his side to rot away, despite not loving her, loomed before her in a vivid, ashen haze.

It was easy to imagine. Eve had already seen such a man. And she had lost her mother that way.

I don’t want to live as a man’s trophy.

Amidst her agonizing fatigue, Eve suddenly thought of an easy path.

Just leave, all alone.

Everything Ethan wants is nothing but a shackle to you anyway. Just cast off even your name and disappear. To a place where that man can never find you.

Ethan would have the crown he wanted, and Eve could escape the duty of the sentry guarding someone else’s crown. Wouldn’t that be a happy ending for everyone?

Though Tony’s unhappiness would be the price.

That man would surely reveal to the boy that he was his biological father, so Tony would naturally find out that Eve was his biological mother. A mother who had already vanished, leaving him behind.

Then you would forever misunderstand, thinking I hated you.

Just as I did.

Eve suddenly realized that she was trying to choose a path similar to her mother’s. The woman who had left her young children behind and vanished to a place where they could never meet again, all in search of eternal freedom.

An unwanted arranged marriage and a suffocating life as a Duchess had annihilated a woman’s sense of self and stripped away her freedom. The woman, who had been forced to live with a dead soul, eventually killed her physical body as well by driving a car off a cliff—exacting revenge upon her oppressor.

—You are the spitting image of your mother’s temperament.

Her father’s cynical habit of saying that might have been a prophecy. At the very least, it was a diagnostic insight that pierced through his daughter’s destiny.

Eve was suffering from the same longing as her mother. Only after reaching a similar age and a similar predicament could she finally empathize with that desire to escape unwanted duty and find freedom.

Using her mother’s pre-marital name as her pseudonym as a painter was a form of memorial, and a daughter’s vow to live the life her mother had wanted.

However, empathizing with that choice did not mean she could shake off the resentment that had accumulated since childhood.

Mother didn’t just throw away her own life. She threw me away, too.

The choice Eve called ‘freedom’ would, to the child left behind, be branded as ‘abandonment’—a wound they would carry for a lifetime.

I cannot bequeath that same wound to my child.

In the end, she returns to the same conclusion like a refrain. She traps herself in a snare for the sake of her child. But since it was a snare Eve set with her own hands, she had no right to lament.

Even so, she could not hand the leash of that snare over to Ethan Fairchild. She was sick and tired of a captive life, moving from one invader to the next.

But as long as I remain in this land, I have no choice but to be reduced to his prisoner.

As she reached the carriage, the attendant politely opened the door. Though she didn’t yet know which path she would take at this final crossroads, one thing was certain: she could not stop now. As Eve boarded the first-class car toward her next destination, a mad idea suddenly struck her.

Tony, shall we leave together?

Why had she been so obsessed with the idea of leaving alone until now? If she couldn’t leave because of the boy, she could simply take him with her.

It was a reckless flight, but to Eve, who had been driven to the edge of the cliff, it seemed like the only way to live.

No. It was the only perfect escape route.

Eve would not have to give up either of her two seemingly incompatible goals: freedom and duty.

Tony might miss Ethan for a while. But he would eventually be pushed aside by new connections and forgotten. The long years she had lived without that man were proof enough.

There was only one reason Eve hesitated before this newly appeared fork in the road.

Kentrell.

She didn’t know what thief might appear to steal Kentrell while she was away once again.

Part of her wanted to discard it, claiming she no longer cared what happened to Kentrell, but she couldn’t do that if she wanted to take Tony. Money was essential to live with the child, and most of that wealth was tied to the family name.

Above all, Eve was the only one who wanted to cast off the shackle of being a Princess; Tony might not want to lose his status as a Duke.

But if we run away together, who could possibly steal the Dukedom?

Last time, her father—who held the right of succession—had been isolated alone in the hands of those demons, and thus was plundered helplessly. But now, the only people with the right to inherit Kentrell were Eve and Tony. Without these two, no one would be able to control the family.

The Dukedom would remain intact, waiting for its master, so Tony could return to the life of the Duke of Kentrell in the future if he wished. By then, Eve would be at an age where she could no longer bear children, so the right of succession would naturally be extinguished.

Ethan’s futile ambition to seize Kentrell through Eve was also destined to perish along with him.

Now that she held full power over Kentrell, she could sufficiently manage the estate even while wandering foreign lands. Was it not already common for nobles to live that way without issue?

So, do not hesitate. This isn’t a powerless, impulsive flight. This will be an escape where everything is thoroughly calculated and prepared for.

Eve finally decided on her path.

I will flee from Ethan Fairchild’s clutches with Tony.