My Beloved, Whom I Desire to Kill - 331

Edwin watched Captain Giselle Bishop standing on the dais from a distance.

A woman who was fragile yet strong, small yet possessed of a tremendous presence.

He loved this aspect of Giselle.

He had to admit that the military had ultimately helped her grow into a complete adult.

Although it had been a long time since she wore a uniform, she still looked natural in it. And, though he hated to admit it, it suited her very well. He suddenly realized that the awkward impression she had when she was first commissioned—as if wearing a costume for a play—had long since vanished.

Her ramrod-straight posture, unwavering even in the most glorious and therefore nerve-wracking moment, conveyed firm self-control. The subtle smile she offered while her dazzling achievements were being presented to the audience was neither arrogant nor falsely humble, revealing mature confidence and composure.

Giselle was a good soldier and, as the Royal Secretary’s introduction declared, a hero.

That hero is my woman. He was a lucky man.

—Director of the Army Intelligence Bureau, Colonel Edwin Eccleston.

Edwin was called next. Having gone through this process many times, it was easy for him to maintain the disciplined military bearing, just like Giselle, while his merits were being read out on the dais.

—…even personally deciphering the enemy’s cryptographic systems…

Up until the point where the achievements of others were being introduced as his own.

—…furthermore, he became an exemplar for the entire nation by saving the lives of our soldiers who were facing mortal danger through his privately cultivated skills as an aircraft pilot…

I want to die.

A fragment of another person’s emotion stabbed into Edwin’s brain, like a severed snake’s head sinking its fangs into a hand.

Yes, that’s how it felt then.

In his most brilliant moment, he had to hand his light to another person with his own hand. Now, Edwin no longer understood that emotion intellectually; he felt it empathetically in his chest.

I want to die. I want to die. I want to die.

Throughout this entire, honorable ceremony celebrating his merits, Edwin fought the urge to die.

I didn’t mean to steal your credit.

That was the hallucination of the dead man. Knowing that it wouldn’t reach him, Edwin explained anyway, because he felt wronged.

But the deceased would have felt even more wronged.

I framed you.

It wasn’t a coincidence; it was a clear intention. Understanding another person’s emotion with the mind is different from feeling that emotion in one’s heart. Now, the bitter resentment of the framed man sunk its teeth into Edwin’s chest and began to tear.

And so, he was drenched in the other’s emotion, followed his thoughts, and relived his memories. He felt the other’s self.

Only then did Edwin finally acknowledge:

Lorenz was a human being, too.

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During the reception after the ceremony, generals flocked to Edwin and began to pressure him.

—Hold out a little longer, and you’ll be a General.

They wanted him to withdraw the intention to retire he had expressed earlier this year. The military hadn’t accepted Edwin’s resignation, instead treating it as an unauthorized long-term leave. They still believed they could persuade him in the meantime.

—A man born a man and living as a soldier ought to be called General, oughtn’t he?

—I have no such ambition.

His only ambition now was to be called husband or father.

—I didn’t realize you were a man lacking even that much ambition. I’m disappointed.

—You’re an Eccleston, but aren’t you also a Bishop?

I need to take a harder line. Edwin warned Chief of Staff Bishop—who had shamelessly inserted himself among the generals, or rather, who had clearly orchestrated this pressure.

—It seems you need a general to forge a name on his behalf this time. Please look elsewhere.

Now, Giselle was Edwin’s only family.

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As Edwin washed his hands at the sink, the women next to him, who had been chatting, suddenly fell silent. All their eyes were on the ring Giselle had placed on the counter beneath the mirror.

A little while ago, when taking commemorative photos for the press corps, Edwin had stood not alone, but with Giselle.

It seemed people were starting to realize that the man who gave her the ring on her ring finger was the Duke Eccleston. Most of those who swarmed Giselle Bishop as soon as the reception began were more interested in the future Duchess Eccleston than in Captain Giselle Bishop.

—Oh, you must be engaged. Congratulations. Who is the lucky man?

When someone finally tried to pry the answer out of Giselle, Edwin politely refused to answer, stating that today was not the time for such talk. He wasn’t even the one who had been asked the question. In effect, he had all but admitted that he was the lucky man.

She dried her hands with a towel and picked up the ring again. Her eyes met the gazes of the women in the mirror who pretended not to have been watching. They all smiled, their eyes crinkling at the corners. Although their smiles were artificial, they were polite.

Even in the reception hall, while there was likely whispering behind her back, no one displayed outright displeasure or shock in front of her.

This must be the difference between a Duke’s ward and a Duchess.

Giselle was about to leave the restroom and return to the reception hall when she suddenly realized something and looked back.

This was the exact same restroom, wasn’t it?

The very spot where she was tricked by the maids sent by the Queen, leading to a huge scandal. She was surprised that she hadn’t realized it until she came out.

In fact, she had been worried when she was informed that today’s reception was in the same location. She was afraid that returning here would bring back painful memories and make her feel ashamed.

It had been true when she first stepped into the reception hall. But she had soon forgotten, laughing and talking. As Giselle was about to return to the man who had quietly supported her to do so, a familiar face approached her.

—Ah, there you are.

It was Chief of Staff Bishop. He seemed to have been looking for Giselle. Did he have something important to discuss?

—How is your brother doing?

Of all things, why did he have to ask about my brother?

—Yes, he is doing well, thank you.

With the daughter of Constanz Army Lieutenant General Edelmann. Since the man was the head of the Mersian army, Giselle kept her answer brief.

—That’s good to hear.

Fortunately, her brother wasn’t his main interest, as he didn’t press for details. However, he didn’t get straight to the point either. For some reason, he looked at Giselle with a bitter smile, and only spoke again after letting out a heavy sigh.

—It would be proper for me to tell you myself, but Edwin never gives me the chance. So I apologize formally today.

An apology?

—I apologize about your brother. I did not treat his life as trivial. This is the nature of this place. For a soldier, if one life can alleviate the suffering of the entire nation, it is a valuable sacrifice. However, you, who sacrificed everything for the country to save your family, must naturally feel resentful. Nevertheless, I thank you for your dedication to the nation.

…It was the Chief of Staff who actually sent my brother to danger?

—I apologized to Edwin then, too, but he doesn’t seem to have gotten over his anger. I am heartbroken that I caused him to lose a cherished nephew.

The old fox tried to sway the young fox to secure Edwin Eccleston. But Giselle’s attention was swayed elsewhere…

Edwin lied to me.

Lorenz told the truth.

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A few days later, the Ducal House released an official statement.

It was the announcement of the Duke Eccleston’s engagement.

A series of affectionate photographs of the couple, taken by a renowned photographer, were distributed along with the statement. Since then, their faces had occupied the front pages of newspapers and magazines for days on end.

The entire nation was, quite literally, turned upside down. Giselle felt the commotion was even louder than when the Crown Princess was engaged.

It was inevitable. The engagement, involving a bride and groom who attracted public attention for reasons both good and bad, was bound to be a sensation.

Giselle’s acquaintances were in an uproar as well. Congratulatory calls poured in all day long.

—Thank you. Yes, I’ll definitely send you an invitation.

The smile vanished the moment she hung up the receiver. Yet, the woman in the photograph, which Edwin had personally framed and placed on the table, was smiling with such utter happiness.

It was a relief the picture had been taken before she knew the truth. She wouldn’t be able to smile so purely now.

Love built on top of someone’s wrongful death cannot be purely joyful.

Shhh-waaah.

It was a sunny day outside, but the sound of rain could be heard. Following the noise, Giselle opened the door leading to the backyard.

She saw the man watering the garden with a hose. He was weaving the brilliantly scattering water droplets with the warm sunlight to create a small rainbow. Edwin stood within it, looking incredibly beautiful, but Giselle did not want to run to him and become part of that tranquil scene.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love him. She just felt, once again, the same emotion that prevented her from smiling wholeheartedly at the engagement photo.

Every human being lies. For someone who usually tells the truth but lies just once, there is always a compelling reason.

Giselle understood the reason he lied. She could even empathize with it. She was certain that if she were in Edwin’s position, she wouldn’t have just remained silent in the face of the truth; she would have actively engaged in much more aggressive plotting.

However, Giselle knew she wouldn’t have been able to feel proud of herself for doing so.

What about you? Are you perfectly happy now that you have me all to yourself?