My Beloved, Whom I Desire to Kill - 323

Only then would he finally be free from the curse of having his existence repeatedly castrated even in life. For a life that preyed on others, death was the only liberation.

Before pushing the control yoke forward to steeply dip the nose, Lorenz took one last look at the companion who would be with him until the end. Longing for life overflowed from Natalia’s eyes, which were soaked with the despair of not being able to evade the approaching death.

I feel the same way.

But we will soon abandon the pain of living and be free forever.

Lorenz hardened his resolve, gripping her cold hand tightly. In that instant, the trembling subsided. This cruel woman had not left him yet. The vague fear that clouded Natalia’s gaze faded, like the mist dissolving in the sunlight.

You believe I will save you?

She had completely misunderstood his intention.

Overwhelmed, Lorenz wanted to cry.

Natalia believed in him. He had yearned for her to trust him just once, but why now of all times?

You are not going to die!

If we scatter into mere fragments like this, will I betray the belief I miraculously gained from you once again?

I will remain a pathological liar to you until the very end.

With no chance to ever make amends.

The man, holding Giselle’s hand in one and the control yoke in the other, turned his eyes resolutely forward. He slowed their speed by pulling a lever overhead. He was preparing to land.

The base was close enough that he could distinguish the officer barracks where he had stayed two days ago. Visible buildings meant the mist had cleared. The adverse conditions for landing had resolved themselves.

Only then did Giselle realize the error in this flight—an error she hadn’t considered until now. A crucial prerequisite for landing was missing from the start.

There was no water.

This was a seaplane. Instead of wheels for takeoff and landing, it had floats underneath the fuselage to keep it afloat on water.

However, the Army base before them had neither a proper runway nor a waterway or reservoir to accommodate a seaplane.

Since Lorenz had only learned to fly fighter jets at the Air Force base, perhaps this was his first seaplane, and he hadn’t considered this. She expected him to realize it now, panic, and pull the nose up, but the flying boat continued to descend slowly toward the shimmering grass field.

—Lo-Lorenz……

Giselle gathered her remaining strength to call him, turning her eyes to his side. Lorenz, his face set with terrifying resolve, only continued his dive toward the ground; he did not look back at Giselle.

Are you going to die with me because I’m dying?

A sudden chill struck her chest, like lightning hitting her heart.

No. Don’t give up. Why should Edwin, and the people in the back, have to die?

But to Lorenz, no life would matter if it wasn’t Giselle’s.

—Don’t, don’t, please.

She couldn’t find the words to stop him, only repeating useless pleas and trembling the hand he held, unable to turn the plane. Outside the cockpit window, the green grass field rushed toward them, finally spreading out right before Giselle’s eyes.

I am going to die. I will feel the pain of my body being torn to shreds and burned.

Giselle squeezed her eyes shut to block out at least one of her five senses. In that precise instant, the one thing she absolutely had to do before death flashed into her mind.

Give Edwin back to me. I’m going to tell him I love him.

It was too late; there was no time to demand anything, even if he would never comply.

CRUNCH!

The impact of the floats hitting the ground violently jarred her body. She also felt the sensation of the fuselage bouncing down, soaring up, and then settling down again.

Now I’m really going to die.

The only thing she could cling to in her terror was the hand that had brought about this horrific death. Giselle let go of Lorenz’s hand and curled up, as if cradling her last beating heart.

His empty hand paused for a moment, then rested on her head. If he’s going to die with me, why is he comforting me?

The seaplane, groaning and sliding across the grass field with a booming, crash-like noise, slowed down, then jolted to a complete stop.

…Huh?

Giselle waited for a moment, as if the shelling had suddenly ceased, then raised her head. Neither her body nor the aircraft was shattered.

It was only then, as the dew-soaked grass field registered in her eyes, that she realized: Lorenz hadn’t been trying to crash the plane. He had known that a wet, slippery surface was sufficient for a landing, even with floats.

Applause and cheers from the medics in the cabin leaked through the closed door. Outside, military vehicles, including ambulances, rushed toward them as if they had been waiting. Armed soldiers were the first to rush in, confirming they were allies, then snapped a salute filled with respect toward Lorenz.

Despite successfully completing the miraculous flight and becoming a hero, he looked completely unsatisfied.

—Lorenz, that was truly incredible. Thank you.

Lorenz didn’t hear the heartfelt words Giselle managed to utter just before she succumbed to relief and lost consciousness. He had already torn off his pilot’s helmet.

As the needle was inserted into her arm and the red fluid of life began to push into her veins, Giselle believed that if she lived, she could tell Lorenz the same words again at any time.

It was a mistaken belief.

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Edwin remained motionless for a long time in a chair in the dim corridor outside the operating room. The light, slanting in from the window at the end of the hall, began to illuminate the lonely figure of the man who had frozen into the posture of a contemplating human.

The four-leaf clover pendant, which had been spinning with his sighs as it hung from his hands clasped as if in prayer, now scattered fragments of green and gold light onto the worn cement floor between his boots, which looked as if they had been abused for ten years in a single day.

Please, let this be another sign of luck.

Edwin kissed the four-leaf clover, which had already fulfilled its meaning. It had granted him the luck of finding Giselle.

However, it wasn’t luck that had saved her.

Thank you.

Edwin recalled that this was the first time he had thanked the unauthorized intruder in his body. He had expected the entity to be waiting for these words, but there was no response from the other side of his consciousness.

The entity had remained consistently quiet after returning his body to Edwin. It had completely defied his prediction that it would crow about saving Giselle, call Edwin a worthless worm, and then demand a reward to let Edwin live.

Don’t forget. You weren’t the only one who saved Giselle. I saved her too.

The same thought repeated incessantly in his head, but Edwin was merely chewing over words that the entity had not spoken.

He reviewed the events that had taken place in the sky. Even though he had witnessed the outside world from the other side of consciousness, he still couldn’t know the intruder’s exact feelings or thoughts unless he meticulously dug through the tower of his memories himself.

Despite this, he felt he understood why the entity had retreated into its darkness immediately after achieving such a brilliant feat.

His mouth tasted bitter. It wasn’t due to the pervasive smell of disinfectant and bleach in the air, potent enough to choke not just germs but people too.

Thud-thud.

Edwin raised his head as footsteps approached from beyond the firmly closed operating room door. The person who burst open the door and nodded at him was the military doctor who had performed Giselle’s surgery.

—The surgery went well.

He said the shrapnel was cleanly removed, and the suturing was successful. Giselle was currently waking up from the anesthesia, alternating between moments of consciousness and sleep, but her condition was stable.

The only reply Edwin offered while listening to the surgeon’s explanation was, —Thank you. It was an expression of gratitude that felt insufficient, no matter how many times he repeated it.

He followed the military doctor into the recovery room. As he rushed to the bedside the moment he saw Giselle’s pale face as she slept, one of the nursing officers standing at the foot of the bed asked him a question.

—By any chance, is your name Edwin, Colonel?

His combat uniform currently bore neither his rank nor his name. He wondered how she knew his name and why she asked, but it was overshadowed by more important concerns. Edwin merely nodded in affirmation, walked past them, and took Giselle’s hand, which was resting outside the blanket.

It was warm. His eyes welled up.

—The patient kept asking for you.

The nursing officers giggled and whispered amongst themselves as they moved away.

—It looks like they aren’t just a crush, but a couple.

—I told you so.

—How romantic.

—Then what is her relationship with the man named Lorenz?

—Shhh, quiet.

Edwin only heard the words: Giselle kept asking for me.

—Giselle, I’m here.

But cruelly, she didn’t open her eyes, having succumbed to the sedation again.

The military doctor, exercising his professionalism, pretended not to hear the nurses’ gossiping and not to see the Colonel gently pressing his lips to his subordinate’s hand and forehead.

He answered the Colonel’s questions, explaining the risks of infection and necrosis, potential complications, and asking when she would be able to be discharged for long-distance travel, should they plan to move her to a civilian hospital.

—If you have any more questions, please find me at any time.

As the military doctor left, Edwin was finally alone with Giselle.