My Beloved, Whom I Desire to Kill - 321

They would crash into the wall, and like the bomber crew she had shot down, they would fall into the lake in fragments, their forms unrecognizable. It would happen in the blink of an eye. Unable to close her eyes, she faced the wall rushing toward them.

—Lorenz, Lorenz…….

Giselle, utterly pale with terror, gasped and called the man beside her, her breath coming in ragged pants from blood loss. She couldn’t tell if the short burst of air she heard through the headphones was his laughter or just static.

She instinctively reached out with her empty hand. She felt she couldn’t bear it if she didn’t grab onto something. But in this cockpit, was there anything that looked like a handle that wasn’t a control lever?

If I touch the wrong thing, the plane might just drop.

In the end, what Giselle trusted and gripped was the pilot’s forearm. The man, who had been focused straight ahead, only occasionally glancing at Giselle, now turned his head fully toward her.

This was despite the view ahead, where the dam was so close that she could see the cracks in the concrete wall and the green moss wedged in between them.

—Front! Look ahead!

—Hmm? Oh, my!

Lorenz pretended to be surprised, as if the wall had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and then pulled back sharply on the control yoke, making the tendons on the back of his hand bulge out.

Simultaneously, the nose of the plane lifted sharply. The seaplane climbed steeply, narrowly clearing the dam, and soared unhindered into the night sky.

The man turned his head toward Giselle, who was frozen with her shoulders hunched, unable to curl up like a ball because she lacked the strength to manage her body. He cracked a smile. Although the mask covered his mouth, the way his eyes curved made the boastful grin vividly clear before her.

How was that? Wasn’t my skill amazing?

She could almost hear a voice in the static-filled headphones asking this very question. Far from feeling admiration, Giselle felt suffocated.

Why are you so mischievous even when you’re doing something helpful? Why do you voluntarily undercut your own achievements?

Even after a long period of cooling off following their fierce collision, Lorenz was still Lorenz, and even when trying to be the hero saving a damsel in distress, Lorenz was still Lorenz.

She could only glare at him, wanting to plunge him back into the lake they had just left. The man, utterly shamelessly, covered and caressed Giselle’s hand, which was still clutching his sleeve, and asked gently:

—Are you alright?

Lorenz couldn’t suppress his smile, even while finally showing concern that Giselle was in no state to indulge his teasing and skill-flaunting.

Having reached the target altitude, he leveled the nose. The takeoff was successful, and they were cruising, but Giselle’s worries were far from over.

—Do you know where you’re going?

In lieu of an answer, Lorenz nodded and patted the map tucked into his chest and his own head, as if to say, Just trust these.

Giselle’s distrustful eyes returned to the view unfolding beyond the front window. The sky above was turning close to blue, indicating the tail end of dawn. Thanks to this, she could faintly distinguish between sky and land, but she would certainly be wrong if asked to draw the horizon line.

The land below was still enveloped in darkness. Moreover, due to the blackout regulations, not even lights from civilian homes were visible, making it impossible to discern any geographical features.

Does a map even have any meaning here?

It was like driving down a road with no street signs or streetlights, relying solely on a map in the dead of night.

My God, there isn’t even a road.

She couldn’t even make him stop anywhere midway. The confident man filled Giselle not with assurance but with deep suspicion.

—H-how do you know? Are you sure you know?

Instead of answering, Lorenz reached the hand that had been gripping the control yoke toward Giselle. He stroked her head, as if she were a frightened child.

It was usually Lorenz’s role to be annoyingly childish, and Giselle’s role to reluctantly soothe him. Their roles were reversed.

However, judging by his bright eyes, he was enjoying the situation rather than enduring it. Was he so confident that he could smile even when doubted?

Giselle had no way of knowing his true thoughts: that he was enjoying her genuine, anxious display, not just toward Edwin Eccleston, but toward him as well.

—Natalia, I am the man who only flies at night.

She finally remembered. During the time they lived at Portswell Base, Lorenz had only ever disappeared at night.

—And I always returned safely to the runway.

Only then did Giselle relax a little.

—Stop worrying and enjoy the night view.

As if signaling her to look down, he turned Giselle’s head toward the side window.

The so-called beautiful human footprint. The warm halo of light. The relief that she, too, would return there and find sanctuary. The greatness of placing humanity beneath her.

Giselle felt none of what Lorenz had promised. Because the region was under blackout and mountainous, no lights were visible at all.

There was only endless, pure blackness. Her head swam with dizziness, feeling as though she were standing on a thin plank, bowing her head into the abyss. At any moment, the plank might give way, and she would fall and be sucked into that deep void.

Why wasn’t Lorenz afraid of that darkness?

Her heart still lurched when the plane bounced up and down, but she had always thought flying wasn’t all that frightening. Looking down made her reconsider.

Would she feel the same way if she shared Lorenz’s perspective?

Giselle turned her gaze forward, toward where he was looking. As she faintly felt the light, her fear began to recede.

The landscape before her eyes looked like a canvas she had once painted, learning about shadow and light from Edwin. But the depth of field held within that light and shadow was a realm Giselle could not replicate. That alone made it impressive.

The ability to distinguish distance meant the sky had grown slightly brighter. Only then did Giselle see Lorenz’s path.

A streak of smooth darkness stretched long toward the horizon, cutting through the rough, jagged blackness. The subtle glimmer that permeated it resembled the tail of a sleek, black cat showing off its glossy fur.

Lorenz was following the river. The base was located on the east side of the river that flowed out from the lake’s lower reaches.

Can the base be seen from here?

After that, Giselle only looked toward the southeast, but she couldn’t distinguish anything.

What if we fly past the base without noticing it?

She was too cold and exhausted to murmur her worry to Lorenz. Unlike her skin, which was increasingly clammy beneath the blanket and uniform, her eyes were dry and gritty.

Her gradually unfocusing eyes suddenly brightened.

—The sun is rising……..

A band of gold cut across the view ahead. The horizon looked entirely engulfed in flames. The sky at dawn—blazing red, turning orange, and then scattering into blue—was familiar, yet she was deeply immersed in an unfamiliar feeling, as if seeing it for the first time.

She looked down at the rising sun. Is this what it feels like to become the magnificent being Lorenz spoke of?

—This is the first time I’ve seen the sun rise from high in the sky, too.

Today’s sun was emerging. Lorenz, who had been watching Giselle as if he had been waiting for this moment, eyes full of admiration, soon began looking at the same spot as her, hand-in-hand.

As the sun revealed its head, the ground began to brighten from the horizon, like a lover opening the door of a dark bedroom in the morning.

She looked down at the tops of the fir trees, which she had always looked up to. If she ran her hand over them, the sharp tips might feel soft, like velvet. The sparkling river seemed to stand still, flowing nowhere. Three small farmhouses huddled on the slope, tiny as a fingernail, looked unreal, like realistic toys.

The world viewed from the sky resembled the miniature train set she received for Christmas when she was eleven.

I was living in a toy world that loses its meaning the moment I turn my back on it.

The thought suddenly struck her. This must be the sight a soul sees on its way up to heaven after death.

She no longer felt the arrogant pride of becoming a magnificent being. All her desires and struggles, which were smaller than her own small existence on that tiny patch of land, seemed insignificant. They held no meaning for the dead.

But this small existence, Giselle Bishop, was not dead and did not want to die. She realized she still craved all those insignificant desires and struggles when the anti-aircraft position suddenly appeared on the mountaintop ahead, holding so much meaning for her. With a strength that came from nowhere, Giselle screamed as if shouting a warning:

—Anti-aircraft gun at eleven o’clock!

She could clearly see the gun barrel rotating. Allied forces, having spotted a plane bearing enemy markings, were preparing to shoot them down.

Asure: As a reminder, there are 13 chapters left and the novel is coming to an end.