My Beloved, Whom I Desire to Kill - 266

—Right… you have every right to.

He let out a wilted, listless laugh, crushed his cigarette in the ashtray, and patted Giselle on the head.

—You can hate me, but don’t hate me for too long.

At his next murmured words, Giselle’s heart felt as if it had frozen in her chest.

—Because it makes me want to die.

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At a quarter to midnight, people holding bottles of champagne roamed the spacious ballroom, refilling the glasses of the party guests.

A clear ringing sound of a teaspoon tapping on a crystal glass echoed, and everyone turned their heads toward it. The host of the party, Chief of Staff Bishop, stood by the window, cleared his throat, and began his New Year’s address.

—On the front lines and in the rear, as soldiers and as civilians fighting with their bare hands, I look upon the precious sacrifices made by everyone this past year. Those of us who have survived will not forget those who have fallen without enjoying the end of this war. Let us encourage each other and advance together toward peace!

As everyone in the room raised their glasses and loudly shouted, «Let us advance!», a man and a woman quietly slipped out of the ballroom.

He thought all the guests were in the ballroom, but they ran directly into two elderly ladies who seemed to be returning from the restroom. They calmly exchanged greetings and passed by, but the ladies’ curious gazes followed them.

We can’t reveal what our relationship is, but we must have our first kiss of the New Year, so we’re leaving.

…He couldn’t exactly say that. Since he had brought Giselle to the Christmas party last year and again today, he had noticed the blatant glares of those who suspected their relationship.

Yes, we are a couple.

The only reason he couldn’t publicly admit it was because of that damned Weasel Operation.

Since he knew the mansion’s layout well, having often stayed there and played hide-and-seek with his cousins, Edwin led Giselle down a secluded hallway he had scoped out and opened the door at the end.

It was a sunroom, with half of it as a conservatory. It seemed to be a frequently used space, as it was warm even with the fireplace unlit. However, there was no one else there now.

At last, they could welcome the New Year alone together. They sat side-by-side on a sofa near the fireplace, looking out at the dark garden. Edwin checked his wristwatch; there were about two minutes left until the New Year. He put his arm around Giselle’s shoulder and asked,

—Should we talk about our wishes for the new year?

—I hope the war ends soon and my brother returns safely.

—I do, too. And?

—Well… if Loddy stays healthy, I couldn’t ask for more.

—You couldn’t ask for more?

Edwin’s eyes narrowed.

—I’m not in your wishes.

—What more should I wish for from you? I have everything I wanted.

His heart swelled with joy at her words—that she had everything she wanted in this relationship and had no regrets—but at the same time, he felt a strange emptiness.

—You can’t be satisfied with that, Giselle. Please be a little more greedy.

—For your sake?

Put on the spot by the sharp questioning of a spy officer, Edwin couldn’t help but confess honestly.

—I still have a lot of unfulfilled wishes.

That Giselle would wear a dazzlingly beautiful dress and become the happiest bride in the world, having her wedding blessed by everyone. That they would build a loving, harmonious family together, loving and relying on each other for life. This was a dream Edwin had held onto since Giselle was a child.

It was only recently that he began to wish that he would be the groom.

Having reached this point, his own personal greed was now intermingling with the long-held wish he had just for Giselle.

You’re not family with that child. Someday, you will become strangers.

He had heard countless words, almost like curses, throughout the years he raised Giselle. But now, he could become a family with Giselle, a family that no one could say they weren’t. He wanted to become that.

Becoming a family would have to wait until the war ended, but there was another wish that didn’t have to wait.

To hear Giselle say she loved him.

10, 9…

He could faintly hear the countdown being shouted from a distance. Edwin gazed intently at Giselle, thinking of the handkerchief in his pocket.

They hadn’t kissed once since the Christmas kiss.

The more they kissed, the more it would help Giselle overcome her bad memories, but it felt utterly impossible for him to end with just a light peck, so he had held back for the past few days. But what kind of couple in the world wouldn’t kiss on New Year’s Day?

—You believe that it’s good luck to kiss your lover as soon as the year changes, right?

Giselle didn’t answer. She smiled demurely, took something out of her skirt pocket, and held it up. It was lipstick.

She wanted him to kiss her so passionately that her lipstick would be gone. How could he not love this woman?

3, 2, 1…

Why did these last few seconds of the year feel so long?

As the shouts of «0» echoed from outside, applause and music filled the air. This was the moment for New Year’s greetings, but…

—I love you, Giselle.

Hoping one of his wishes for the year would come true immediately, Edwin lowered his head.

This man is kissing me.

It wasn’t the first time, but it still felt wondrous. It was incredibly embarrassing to have to stare at each other with their eyes open at a time like this, but that wasn’t what made Giselle’s heart pound.

She could clearly see the feelings Edwin was putting into the kiss. She should have extended her lips, but the corners of her mouth kept curling up.

The moment their noses touched, his lips glided to her cheek. He was tilting his head, about to press his lips against hers.

His languid gaze began to change.

Giselle’s head snapped around like an animal sensing danger, and at the same time, she covered her mouth. Lorentz twisted his head to follow her immediately, and as he met her gaze, he pressed a sticky, almost vicious, kiss on the back of her hand. When Giselle didn’t move her hand and just glared, he began to plead.

—Just once. It’s a special day. I was good last year…

When that didn’t work, he let out a groan, then…

Thump.

He rested his forehead against Giselle’s, smiling like someone who wanted to cry.

—Natalia, ask me my New Year’s wish, too.

—Why ask for something you already know?

‘That you love me.’ It was so obvious without even hearing it. But Lorentz shook his head.

—Will you give me a chance to be a good man, too?

—What does that have to do with a kiss? You can be a good man without that. In fact, you’re better off not doing it. You kissed me before, even while loving me. You either fooled me into thinking you were Edwin or you forced me when I didn’t want it.

—It’ll be different now.

—No, nothing’s different. I still don’t want your kiss.

—At least I’m different. The old me would have appeared and stolen a kiss while you were kissing that guy.

But Giselle had a faint feeling in that tense moment that he had stopped just before his lips could touch her.

He just wants me to kiss him even when I know it’s him. Why would I do that unless I was crazy?

—Fine. I’ll kiss you.

Lorenz didn’t smile. He had noticed it was a trap. But then he smiled helplessly, as if he was willing to throw himself into it even if he saw what was lurking inside.

—As long as I can think of you as Edwin while I kiss you.

Just as she thought, even his helpless smile faded.

—Why? You don’t like it? You’ve done it to me before, but it’s not okay for me to do it?

The time had come to pay him back for that first kiss, when he had tricked Giselle into thinking he was Edwin.

—You did it.

His voice was so quiet and cracked that Giselle thought she had heard him wrong.

—You once kissed me by using me as a stand-in for another man.

Giselle was speechless as she finally recalled the atrocity she had committed one drunken Christmas dawn years ago.

—You never forget what was done to you, but you can’t even remember what you did? You’ve gotten enough revenge on me.

—What? I’ve gotten enough?

The senseless nonsense broke her stunned silence.

—Did I rape you? Did I kidnap you? What did I do?

Lorenz stayed silent, staring intently at Giselle. He looked cowed, yet his eyes said he had a lot to say about the atrocities she had committed. When he finally opened his mouth, she expected him to say some other shameless nonsense that would raise her blood pressure, but…

—Then you can rape me and kidnap me.

—You crazy bastard…»

A vulgar curse flew out before she could stop herself.

—Do I look like a psychopath like you?

—You like a visceral revenge, just like me.

—…

—You did that just last weekend, too.

—……

—I know you.

—…Go away.

—It’s my time now.

She realized she couldn’t say, ‘It’s past midnight, so you can leave and bring Edwin back’

The energy just drained out of her.

‘Tsk, I’ll have to put off the first kiss of the New Year.’

Giselle let out a sigh, and in a daze, she put the lipstick she had taken out back into her pocket and stood up.

—I’m going home.

—A date at home. Nice.

—What are you talking about? It’s bedtime. Come back after sunrise.

Ding-dong.

That crazy bastard, he actually came at sunrise and rang the doorbell.