My Beloved, Whom I Desire to Kill - 264

The winter he first met this man, she had no childlike innocence to go out and play in the snow, so he was telling her about his first winter at the ducal mansion.

—Yes, it was cute.

Lying and rolling around in the snow was one of his most well-behaved memories. He’d started a snowball fight and turned the young master, whom everyone found difficult, into a human snowman. But the man, the old fellow, had thrown snowballs back at her and not hit her once, so Giselle had stayed dry and fluffy.He’d even gotten the sled he used as a child out of the warehouse, and she was so excited playing with it all day that she didn’t realize her hands and feet were frozen. After being dragged inside and scolded, the hot chocolate and fireplace were so warm.

‘I was so happy.’

Perhaps the warmth of that time felt so vivid because it was so similar to the warmth of the hand now stroking her cheek.

—Want to build a snowman again sometime?

Giselle shook her head and burrowed deeper into Edwin’s embrace. She was much happier just being held.

Perhaps it was the chilly air around them that made this man’s arms feel extra cozy and peaceful today. Yet, at the same time, her body burned and trembled slightly wherever they touched, as if this warmth were unfamiliar.

She suddenly recalled that the first time she fell in love, she had also trembled in his warmth, just like she was now. The feelings from that time came back to her vividly.

She had always thought it was an inexplicable, unfathomable moment, but facing a similar moment now, she felt that she had no choice but to fall in love.

—Edwin.

—Hm?’

His voice resonated in her chest and seeped into Giselle’s ears.

—Tell me you love me. Until I tell you to stop.

Even though it was a sudden and strange request, Edwin didn’t seem flustered. He smiled pleasantly and, as if he had prepared for this moment, began to confess his long and fervent love for Giselle. His low voice was sweet, his embrace was warm, and his love was passionate. It was a perfect moment.

‘Yes, that’s the kind of love I’ve wanted all along.’

Her dream had come true. Giselle smiled happily and closed her eyes, then opened them wide.

‘No. Just one more thing.’

She raised her head and gently pushed herself away from him, turning to face Edwin. The soft, gentle murmur of his voice stopped. To the man who asked her with his eyes what she was about to do, Giselle gently moistened her dry lips with the tip of her tongue and confessed the one thing that was missing from this perfect moment.

—You can kiss me.’

Edwin looked as surprised as if his own dream had unexpectedly come true, and he smiled a heart-fluttering smile. He sat up from his reclined position, took the mug from Giselle’s hand and placed it next to his own, then reached for her.

It was so like Edwin Eccleston not to immediately seize the opportunity and rush to her lips. He brushed her hair back and stroked her face, gazing at her for a long time, as if he intended to savor every moment of their first kiss.

As they met each other’s eyes before the kiss, her heart pounded so hard she found it difficult to breathe. Unable to contain her nervousness and shyness, Giselle kept giving a silly little smile. Edwin’s face also held a similar smile, but it disappeared when his thumb, which had been stroking her cheek, began to trace her lower lip. At his now deadly serious gaze, Giselle unconsciously held her breath.

As his prominent Adam’s apple bobbed, his hand slid into her hair and cupped the back of her neck. This was the signal that he was about to kiss her. Even though she was ready for it, her heart plummeted. Giselle tried to calm her breathing, which was quickening with excitement, never taking her eyes off the man approaching her.

Their noses touched first. The man who always used to just rub her nose and pull away now tilted his head and leaned in more deeply. Just as the pungent scent of wine and mint intensified, Edwin’s lips settled gently on Giselle’s.

Tears welled up in her eyes. It felt like something she couldn’t hold back was about to burst out of her.

The soft, tender flesh of his lips pressed firmly against Giselle’s tightly sealed mouth and then withdrew. The two sticky, dry membranes met with a smack and then parted with a small popping sound. The intimate noise made her heart flutter.

Just when she thought it would be a short kiss, he was on her lips again the moment they parted. This time, he didn’t just touch her, he slowly and deeply enveloped her.

It had just begun, and she was already breathless and lightheaded. Perhaps it was because they were staring deeply into each other’s eyes throughout this intense moment.

The kiss continued, but their gaze didn’t waver. Feeling more at ease, Giselle gently opened her mouth and met his lips. In that instant, she saw a spark of fire in his eyes. But the man kissing Giselle was still Edwin. The man who exhaled a hot breath of rising excitement and bit down on Giselle’s lips was still Edwin.

His blue eyes shone with a joyful satisfaction, then burned with a longing as if it still wasn’t enough. Yet throughout all this wavering, the one emotion at its core remained unchanged.

Love.

He conveyed his love, both gentle and intense, with his lips.

‘Giselle, this is Edwin Eccleston’s kiss.’

‘This is our first kiss, Ajussi and me.’

‘A true kiss.’

It wasn’t the false kiss with Lorentz that had only brought her shame. It wasn’t the kiss Giselle had stolen from Edwin only to be burdened with guilt, nor was it the miserable, loveless kiss Edwin had reluctantly given to deceive Lorentz.

They kissed with love. At last, after being tormented by fakes that had no purpose other than to tear love to shreds, they finally did.

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—You can kiss me.

She said it demurely, shyly. It was the permission Edwin had been waiting for just as much as her saying ‘I love you.’

His heart felt as if it would swell and fly to the sky, yet his shoulders felt heavy. He knew how difficult a decision this had been for Giselle.

So, he wanted their true first kiss to be entirely their own.

As he lowered his head to his lover, ready to finally share the love that would break down their boundaries and make them one, Edwin had to ask for another man’s grace.

‘If you truly love Giselle, you’ll wait now. You know how much this kiss means to her.’

The other man didn’t answer, but after stealing one kiss from Giselle, he backed away and didn’t reappear. It was only then that Edwin could truly focus on the kiss.

The moment they separated, he took her plump, soft lips into his again. They were so small they made him want to laugh, but he had to hold back and control his strength as he kissed her, which made him impatient. Even more so because Giselle wasn’t responding at all.

‘Was she disappointed?’

While he had never felt intimidated in a relationship before, in front of Giselle, the confidence he had built his entire life would shake to its core.

He soon became flustered. He began to feel like he was committing a terrible act, as if he were forcing a kiss on a woman who didn’t want it. He was becoming a shameless person who demanded physical affection in return for raising her, and the guilt he thought he had finally shaken off began to creep back.

But the moment Giselle finally smiled, her eyes crinkling sweetly as she gently enclosed his lips with her own, that guilt vanished completely. What began as a timid kiss grew more and more passionate.

Giselle, who had always been defensive and prickly, never clearly showing affection or even interest, was finally reciprocating his feelings and expressing her love with him, in sync. It was no longer an unrequited love.

Even though he wished he could pretend all the previous kisses never happened, Edwin couldn’t help but remember the last one. Giselle’s kiss now was no different from that one. And so, he shamelessly welcomed the feeling, as if the love from that time had returned.

Every time Giselle stole a kiss from his lips, a thrilling joy shot through him, like fireworks exploding in his chest. Edwin began to slowly lose his self-control. It was today that he first realized he had a desire that could only be satisfied by biting and sucking on a woman’s flesh.

The moment their open lips intertwined, Giselle’s saliva spread onto Edwin’s tongue. The bitter taste of wine had never been so sweet.

Impatience getting the better of him, he lightly ran his tongue over the inside of her upper lip. It wasn’t the first time. He had put his tongue in Giselle’s mouth before.

How did I end up kissing you? Back then, he had thought this, disgusted with himself and feeling sorry for Giselle, unable to even meet her eyes. He never could have imagined that the day would come when ‘How did I end up kissing you?’ would turn into ‘I finally get to kiss you.’

As they held each other’s lips, their eyes locked, the meaning of this kiss suddenly weighed heavily on his heart.

We can never go back to being a child and an Ajussi.

He had broken a vow he was certain he would never break, yet it didn’t feel like a defeat.

Because now we are lovers.

‘I love you, Giselle.’

Even when he said it over and over, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing, but that empty space was being filled more and more with every shared movement of their lips. Edwin had no intention of ending this expression of love, which was far more intense than hundreds of words.

But Giselle’s eyes suddenly went out of focus, and she abruptly turned her head, bringing the kiss to an unexpected end. In that instant, Edwin saw the tears she had shed.