My Beloved, Whom I Desire to Kill - 253

—If I suffer until your anger is gone, will you love me?

He wanted to suffer the consequences of his actions, and then he also wanted to be rewarded for it. His idea was so unheard of, it was utterly infuriating and annoying.

—How should I know? If you don’t like it, then quit.

No matter how annoying he was, she had put the utensils she had been playing with on the side of her plate and was standing up when Lorenz grabbed her wrist. She glared at him, and he immediately let go.

—I prepared your favorite dessert.

Did he choose to make an effort?

The dessert Lorenz had prepared was one of the reasons Giselle loved autumn: pumpkin pie with vanilla ice cream sprinkled with cinnamon powder.

—This is delicious.

As expected, even ordinary vanilla ice cream tasted different at the Duke’s residence. She had completely forgotten about the sickening argument they had a moment ago and was savoring each spoonful when Lorenz, who had been watching her intently, barely touching his own piece of pie, asked.

—What does ice cream feel like?

—Why are you asking something you already know?

—Because I’ve never eaten it.

—The owner of this body must have memories of eating it when he was a child.

—It’s been so long that they’ve worn out. And the sensations you revive from memory are often different from what you actually feel.

—Then you should eat some.

Now that she thought about it, there was only ice cream on Giselle’s plate. The kitchen must have thought the Duke didn’t eat ice cream, so they only brought pumpkin pie for Lorenz.

—Ask for some, too.

However, he didn’t call for the servant waiting outside and instead leaned toward her, begging.

—Just one bite.

Giselle stared at him for a moment, then scooped up all the remaining ice cream in one spoonful. His brightening blue eyes darkened with disappointment. The ice cream had disappeared into Giselle’s mouth. She thought it was childish of her, and she snickered, her mouth full of food. The man sitting across from her also laughed like a fool, as if he found it amusing that she was teasing him. Suddenly, the sweet, melting vanilla felt sticky and grainy.

—Thanks for dinner.

Giselle ended the date with a polite but insincere farewell and stood up. When she went outside with Loddy, Lorenz was waiting for her in the car.

It was unexpected that he would just let her go after dinner. Was he trying to show her a changed side of himself? But when the car started driving in the opposite direction of Magnolia Terrace, she concluded that she had overestimated him.

—Where are you going?

—There’s something I want to show you.

Instead of answering, Lorenz just said something strange and drove the car to the outskirts of the city. It had been long past sunset, and as they drove across an isolated field where the sky and ground were indistinguishable, a hazy building began to appear at the end of the road. It was a guard post. As the car approached, a sentry who appeared to be from the Air Force ran out and shouted.

—Civilians are not allowed to enter here.

He seemed to have only noticed the man in the driver’s seat and hadn’t seen Giselle’s uniform. Lorenz rolled down the car window and replied, annoyed.

—Hey, is this your first time here?

The sentry was visibly flustered. Giselle was also surprised by his tone, which implied, Why don’t you recognize someone who comes here often?

—I apologize. I was newly assigned here yesterday. Please state your name and affiliation.

Lorenz didn’t answer with words; he took out his military ID. The sentry’s eyes popped out as he shined his flashlight on it, then he saluted quickly and ran to remove the barricade blocking the entrance.

After entering the fenced-off area and driving a long way down an empty road, they arrived at a vast asphalt lot with large buildings lined up on one side.

It was impossible not to recognize the unique-looking buildings that looked like cylinders cut in half and laid on their sides.

Those are hangars, aren’t they?

She got out of the car and looked from side to side; the wide road with no end in sight was clearly a runway. Lorenz had brought Giselle to an airfield.

The name painted on the hangar was a private company name with no connection to the Air Force. Even if it was a civilian airfield, no one would be allowed to enter after it had been conscripted by the military.

He must have used Colonel Eccleston’s name again.

Giselle began to worry that he might get into trouble. When she questioned the man about whether this was okay as he led her to a nearby hangar, all she got was a shameless reply: I’ve been here a lot and there’s never been a problem, so what are you worried about?

—I have permission.

The answer, which came only when Giselle stood her ground and wouldn’t budge, was also untrustworthy. And more than anything, she couldn’t understand.

—Why are we here? What are you trying to show me?

—The night view from the sky.

—…What?

—You’ve never seen it, have you? You’d think it’s similar to looking up at the stars in the night sky, but it’s different. The stars make me feel like a speck of dust in the vast universe, but when I look down at the lights from the sky, I feel like a great being. It’s strange, but I also feel a sense of relief. After the flight, I’ll return to that place. I belong to that warm cluster of lights. Is this what normal people feel when they head home?

Lorenz confessed his feelings, which Giselle hadn’t even asked about, and then laughed shyly, uncharacteristically.

—I’ve always wanted to show you this someday.

He rattled on, as if he had been looking forward to the moment he could show off how beautiful the coastline was, since it wasn’t subject to blackout regulations. His long speech didn’t clear up her questions; it only made them more tangled.

—How did you get to see it?

As if he had been waiting for her to ask, he curled up the corners of his mouth into a smirk.

—What do you think I did every night at Portswell Base?

Portswell Base, where the Air Force and Army were stationed together. The sound of airplane engines she heard at night, even when no fighter jets were taking off. And the smell of gasoline coming from Lorenz’s body. The pieces of the same puzzle fit together, and she was shocked that she hadn’t realized it sooner.

—…You didn’t go and learn how to fly a plane in the Air Force, did you?

He nodded his head with a big grin and looked down at Giselle, his eyes shining with anticipation. She remembered Loddy giving her the same look, begging for praise, when he once caught a bird and brought it to her in the backyard. And now, Giselle was in the same state of shock and dismay, her mind completely shut down.

—…Seriously?

—You don’t believe me, do you? I’ll show you.

Lorenz pushed her back, gesturing for her to go into the hangar. Giselle dug her feet into the ground and resisted.

—No. I’ll believe you without you showing me.

—Why? I have permission to fly!

It must be true. If he flew without the Air Force’s permission, he could be mistaken for an enemy aircraft and get into trouble, or in the worst-case scenario, he could be shot down. As irresponsible as Lorenz was, he wasn’t foolish enough to risk his life like that.

—I still don’t want to.

Only then did he realize why Giselle was so horrified, but he still didn’t understand.

—You’re not afraid of fighter jets anymore. You even volunteered for the anti-aircraft unit.

—I said I’m able to keep doing what I’m doing even if I hear a fighter jet, not that I liked fighter jets!

—We’re not taking a fighter jet. And seeing it and flying it are different.

—How do you know that? What are you going to do if I scream like a crazy woman and cry in the air?

Just the thought of it sent a shiver down her spine.

—Just don’t touch anything in the cockpit. And don’t jump out the window.

His attempt to comfort her didn’t make her feel any better; instead, it made her imagine it more vividly, which only made her more terrified.

—No. I said no.

—It’s okay!

Lorenz grabbed Giselle, who was trying to run away to the car, and a struggle ensued in the middle of a deserted field in the dead of night. He wasn’t even using much force, but she was being pulled along easily. Giselle, who was now completely furious, raised her voice so loud it echoed across the airfield.

—You have no foundation as a man, no, as a human! The man who thinks only of himself and not of me isn’t Edwin, it’s you! If you want me to love you, then act lovable, you idiot!

—I learned this for you. Just bear with me and give me one chance.

—What kind of person learns something I’m afraid of just to get a compliment from me? This is why you can’t be a human!

The man who had been about to lift her by the waist stopped and let her go. Their eyes, filled with blazing hatred, clashed. Giselle gritted her teeth and spat.

—What gives you the right to hate me?

—You told me to learn!

—When did I ever?

—You told me to develop my own abilities that the owner of this body doesn’t have. It was you who told me not to live only for today, wasting my life, but to dream of tomorrow.

It was so long ago and not a piece of advice she had given sincerely, so it was difficult to recall.

—So I tried to make this meaningless life seem valuable in your eyes, but why are you toying with my dream and despising my efforts?

—……..

—Was it all empty words?

She had just spouted those words to avoid the situation and appease him. She was embarrassed that he had believed and followed her empty words, but on the other hand, she saw Lorenz in a new light.