My Beloved, Whom I Desire to Kill - 248

—That’s not true.

—Cut the lies that won’t even work on me. You’ve been acting suspicious anyway.

He said himself that love was his price, but it was certainly strange that even when Giselle pushed him away, using his body’s owner as an excuse, he didn’t seem hurt or try to force her, but just smiled with confidence.

—If the owner of this body is willing to give you his body and soul, then you could love me, couldn’t you?

You could afford to be so calm because you knew this day would come. You’ve simply been putting me in your debt, step by step, ever since you knew Edwin Eccleston was drawn to me.

—So you were just making a lazy, cunning calculation that if I dated the owner of this body, you’d be able to win me over, too, right?

The moment his scheme became so obvious, the pure affection and preposterous trust I’d had for him turned to rags.

—I said it wasn’t true! How does my trying to be nice to you because I want you to love me turn into that? Do you get all flustered when some other guy tries to get on your good side, but you’re suspicious when I do it?

—Well, you do have a history of deceiving me.

—And why did I deceive you back then? To teach a lesson to the human who trampled on me like a parasite. Now, not only would I never do that again, but I’m also helping the woman I love even though that bastard, who deserves to rot in hell after living a lonely life, is also harboring feelings for you. Why? Because I want you to love me.

—…

—All I want is for you to love me. You’re the one who said that if that guy loves you, you could love me, too. So why is the hope you gave me now a lazy, cunning calculation? If I’m just a fake with no substance, what’s the right way for me to love you? No matter how fake I am, my love is real.

As Lorenz’s argument grew longer, his breathing became more ragged. When he finished his last sentence and clenched his jaw, he began to shed big, thick tears from his tightly shut eyes. I was just as flustered as when Edwin Eccleston confessed his love for me.

—Wait, wait a minute. Don’t cry here.

Because of this madman, I’ll never be able to come here again. The music was loud, so no one would be able to hear us, but it was an open space, and everyone would be able to see him. It would be a problem if someone recognized his face and a newspaper article came out saying that the Duke of Eccleston was sobbing at a famous Richmond club. Giselle quickly hugged him and hid his face in her chest.

—You’ve been through a cruel one-sided love yourself, how can you do the same thing to me?

—Alright. Alright. I’ll believe you did all of this because you love me.

He started to stop crying, but it was clear it was less from her reluctant admission and more from the fact that he was focused on rubbing his face against her chest.

Ugh, my clothes must be soaked.

I couldn’t stay like this forever, so I took a cigarette out of the pack on the table and put it to his mouth, which was panting heavily.

—Want one?

Lorenz finally lifted his head and, with tears welling in his eyes, asked,

—How about you let me suck on your lips once?

Giselle willingly parted her lips and held the cigarette—the one he had refused. As she put it to her mouth and lit it, he glared at her, then took out a cigarette of his own and put it in his mouth.

I was about to light his for him, but Lorenz refused, grabbing my chin instead and bringing the tip of his cigarette to mine. As he languidly inhaled, looking me in the eye and acting as if we were kissing, I silently asked with a slight twist of my lips,

Are you imitating your rival now? How pathetic.

His eyes changed. Even before, I could feel his fierce emotions, but now they were clear. It was indignation.

—That bastard imitated me.

Lorenz took the cigarette out of his mouth and gritted his teeth.

—He deliberately stole our memory and made it his own. See? How cunning is that?

I wanted to tease him by saying, ‘It’s the same person, so what’s mine and what’s yours?’ but I decided against it, in case my shirt got soaked again.

—That shameless thief, I want to bite him to death.

—You can chew on your own tongue.

The man in front of me took a big laugh, put the cigarette back in his mouth, and hugged Giselle. This was also a form of mockery, but she was only happy to hear it. Because he said ‘Lorenz’s tongue,’ not Edwin Eccleston’s.

—That bastard has no shame.

Feeling triumphant, he started bad-mouthing his rival again.

—Natalia, how much you suffered from his preposterous proposal, and he just confessed his love like a joke, preposterously. He’s only thinking about his own feelings, not yours. How easy must you have looked to him for him to do that?

That had a ring of truth to it, so I didn’t argue. How could he possibly know the pain of one-sided love from the bottom looking up?

—It’s true that the person who loves and the person who is loved have switched, but as you said, he’s still the one with the power. Why do you think he was so honest when he said he was jealous of a stupid popcorn? That’s all the confidence of a powerful person.

—Isn’t that a bit of an exaggeration?

—Then have you ever told him you were jealous of the Crown Princess?

—…That’s not wrong either.

I suddenly had a thought that the reason he had been quiet for days wasn’t just because the situation was not in his favor. In that time, he was analyzing my feelings by meticulously observing everything I said and did. He was so good at pinpointing the not-so-pleasant emotions

I felt and attacking them so plausibly, even if it was a deceptive tactic. Lorenz had clearly prepared well.

Even with my ambiguous agreement, he was so happy that he started kissing my neck wildly. And he never forgot to shake my heart in between each kiss.

—Don’t forget. Edwin Eccleston will never understand you. But I do. So I know. It’s already hard, isn’t it? Natalia, for your sake, please don’t love that bad man.

The ticklish trail of kisses was moving up my neck and toward my lips. Under the table, the hand that was on my waist slid down my thigh.

—Should I make the Duke, who thinks he has you completely, cry as much as you did?

The incurable lecher didn’t hide his intent to sleep with her. Instead, he boldly grabbed Giselle’s hand and placed it on his inner thigh. It seemed best not to bolt from this place immediately if I wanted to prevent a newspaper article from coming out about the Duke of Eccleston getting an erection in a public place.

—Is your brain here?

If he were thinking with Edwin Eccleston’s brain, he would know that Giselle would never agree to his lecherous suggestion. This personality must have been born because cells that were supposed to be in the genitals somehow made their way into his brain.

—The owner of this body wants it, too, now.

Giselle took her hand off his thigh, then swatted his hand off hers, and shot back, word for word,

—But I don’t want to.

—You don’t hate the guy who hurt you, so why do you hate me?

—Are you asking because you don’t know? Are you stupid or despicable?

—Despicable.

He admitted to being a scoundrel to Giselle and then grinned.

—Listen, you’re the shameless one here.

—I know I was wrong. I regret it.

‘Why is he suddenly so remorseful?’ But I wasn’t about to believe a remorse born of necessity. Giselle ignored him, just grinding her cigarette butt into the ashtray.

—If I could only go back to your birthday…

I thought he was about to say what he would do, but instead, he just stared into space and asked,

—If I had told you who I was, do you think you would have loved me?

Looking at his desolate eyes, I could tell he already knew the answer to his question. So I didn’t give him one.

—We can’t go back to that day, and you’ve already done something to me that can’t be undone.

—Then what do I have to do to become a man you don’t hate, even if you still resent me?

—Lorenz.

Giselle met his eyes.

—I could love you.

Hope flickered in his eyes, which had been clouded by desire.

—If the things you did never happened.

I was giving him hope and a death sentence at the same time. Just as I had always done.

—That’s not what you promised.

I expected him to get angry and confront me like this. But his voice, choked and thin, sounded more like a plea than an accusation. His trembling eyes were filled with the despair you’d see in a lost child.