My Beloved, Whom I Desire to Kill - 246
The man, dressed in a bright slate-blue three-piece suit, smiled with his eyes and held out something in his hand. The reason she was surprised wasn’t because he had transformed from a gruff soldier into a charming gentleman in such a short time.
‘…….He brought flowers again?’
The bouquet she received on Sunday hadn’t even wilted yet. If they were going to have a date almost every day and he brought flowers each time, it would only be a matter of time before her third-floor house was covered in them.
This time, Edwin Eccleston was holding light-blue hydrangeas, pale pink roses, and white freesias. The pastel colors, reminiscent of a spring day, were fresh and lovely.
—They’re beautiful. Thank you.
She wondered what kind of vase would suit them best. She walked toward the kitchen, delightedly pondering, with him following behind, and he asked,
—Are you ready?
Giselle suddenly scowled, remembering the nightmare of the operational briefing she’d attended before leaving work.
—They were about to build a house without a door in the blueprint, and it looked like they were ready to you, commander? How can the nation entrust important operations to the military this way?
The commanders and selected officers of the intelligence bureau’s subordinate units had been working on a plan for two months, only to discover a serious flaw during the planning meeting. And it was pointed out by the Director himself. The shock of the fact that twenty of the intelligence bureau’s top officers hadn’t noticed what he had caught at a glance for two months was immense. The Director had looked so displeased that Giselle had to hold her breath and choose her words carefully.
Because of this, she thought their date tonight would be canceled. That is, until her desk phone rang two minutes before closing time.
– What color are you wearing tonight? Okay. Go home now. I’ll see you in a bit.
The atmosphere in Room 303 was like a locker room after a crushing defeat, but if the boss says to leave work, you leave. Afterward, she had been so preoccupied with rushing home and changing clothes that she had momentarily forgotten, but now she heard the word «ready» again.
No one who had been at that meeting could ever imagine that the difficult, scary Director would be trying to win the affection of a low-level subordinate the moment his ruthless scolding was over. Even Giselle was bewildered by the stark difference in Edwin Eccleston’s demeanor.
—If I say I’m ready with just this, will I get scolded like my superior, Director?
The man’s eyes narrowed, then softened as Giselle spun around in place, her skirt fluttering.
—You’re ready just by being here.
Now, it was Edwin Eccleston who needed to be careful with his words.
She had placed the suitable vase on the highest shelf of the cupboard. Too lazy to get a stepping stool, she stood on her tiptoes and reached for it, but each time she touched the vase, it just slid back. A small, sigh-like laugh came from above her, and the man standing behind her reached out and grabbed the vase in one smooth motion.
—Is a life with a man who does bothersome things for you still unfamiliar?
—It’s only the third day, so it’s a bit early to say «still,» don’t you think?
She probably would have added the mischievous comment that she didn’t want to get used to it because she didn’t know how long it would last, had it been two days ago.
—I refuse to get into the habit of giving orders.
—I’m all for it, though.
—What are you going to do if I, without thinking, start bossing you around in front of others at work?
—You don’t have to worry about what I’ll do. Lieutenant Bishop will just get a severe scolding from Hawkins.
—…There’s no upside to dating your superior. I’ll make a note of that for my evaluation.
Standing behind her the entire time she was arranging the flowers, the man who was toying with her necklace lowered his head and laughed. His low voice tickled her ears like a whisper.
—No talk of work until tomorrow morning. And no calling me ‘Director.’
—Yes, Your Grace.
—…I knew you’d say that.
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It was said to be the most popular spot in Richmond these days, and it seemed all the city’s youth had flocked there. Even on a weekday, the large dance hall was bustling. As the war that made life so difficult dragged on, people became more and more thirsty for sweet amusements. Because of this, dancing had become hugely popular since last year.
To say there was no room to set your foot on the floor was an exaggeration, but you did have to look around every time you took a step. Still, she wasn’t bothered in the slightest; on the contrary, she couldn’t stop smiling with excitement. As the saying goes, the more people you are with, the more joyful it is.
Her date seemed to be having fun, too; a smile never left his face. But in his eyes, a faint sense of wistfulness was always there. Giselle knew what he was regretting without even asking, as it was a look she had seen often in her childhood.
‘He had encountered a moment he wanted to capture forever, but didn’t have a camera’
Instead, he kept his eyes on Giselle, as if imprinting her in his memory. Without even looking at his own feet, their movements magically matched. It had been a long time since they had danced together.
‘Was the last one a waltz? Lorenz appeared and interrupted it, so they never finished. And since then……’
There was no time to get lost in negative emotions, looking back on a catastrophe no different from suicide—soaring without wings and then falling miserably. She was too busy keeping up with the quick tempo.
Giselle moved away until they were barely holding hands, then twirled and closed the distance in a flash with a pull. The next step was simply to turn her back to her partner, but she misjudged her strength, and her back hit his chest. Since he hadn’t let go of her hand, the man wrapped his arms around her, holding her from behind.
Minor accidents like bumping into each other are common while dancing. Just as she was about to turn to face him for the next step, her partner delivered a surprise kiss to her head. If he hadn’t spun her, Giselle would have completely lost the rhythm, having forgotten how to dance.
Even after three quick-tempo songs in a row, she hadn’t felt tired, but now her breathing was fast and her heart was pounding. The fox’s surprise attack was a little too shocking.
‘After this song is over, I need to rest’
When the music stopped, applause filled the hall without fail. Giselle clapped for the band and then turned to her date. She was about to suggest they return to their table, but the next song began.
A slow, sentimental ballad spread across the floor, and at the same time, Edwin Eccleston took a step closer, closing the distance. It would be more accurate to say he eliminated it, as the tips of their shoes were touching. He wrapped an arm around Giselle’s waist as she looked up at him in confusion.
Giselle had always refused when men asked for a slow dance, as their intentions were obvious, but today she had no desire to say no. When she was met with a smile that looked like he’d been waiting for this moment, her desire to rest melted away like a snowflake on her tongue.
‘This is a break, too. We’re just staying in one place with hardly any movement’
Even so, her breathing and heart rate showed no signs of calming down. The three previous songs had constantly changing movements, so his hands couldn’t linger on Giselle’s body for long, but now, as if to quench that thirst, he was stroking the small of her back, following the path of her indented spine. And though they weren’t completely pressed together, it was no different from being embraced. Every nerve in her body was acutely on edge for this man.
And how intense were the eyes that gazed so intently at her? It’s hard to breathe in front of a raging fire. When she opened her mouth to breathe, she felt like her pounding heart would pop out, so she kept it closed.
She had faced those burning eyes countless times since last Sunday, yet they still felt alien, and she was afraid it was all a mirage again, making her want to look away. But she was foolishly captivated, unable to break eye contact.
—I love you, Giselle.
Perhaps he caught her not believing the emotions in his eyes. So he defined it with words, leaving no room for another interpretation.
—…….
What should I say in response? When I heard these words from other men, I always knew exactly what to say, but now my mind was blank.
‘I love you, too.’
The only cliché response that came to mind was a polite but cruel lie, and I had no intention of saying it.
He’s a handsome and charming man with a great sense of humor, which makes me excited, but I’m not sure if I love him. How was I so easily convinced that I loved this man before? My feelings now weren’t as simple as my younger self, who had accepted love with little resistance, even though it started for trivial reasons I couldn’t understand.
Fortunately, the Duke of Eccleston was a gentleman who didn’t pressure a lady for an answer; he simply bowed his head. His lips gently touched my forehead, lingering for a long time. On Sunday, he had been trying to kiss me, but after realizing I had no love left for him, he had retreated to my hand. But in just a few days, he was moving closer to my lips, from my head to my forehead. It was like he was breaking down the walls of my heart and advancing toward its core.
I suddenly wondered if he would go for my lips again this weekend at this rate. Wouldn’t it be better to make up my mind before the situation presented itself? I asked myself, Do I want to kiss Edwin Eccleston?
I once heard a clever solution from a college friend for when you’re considering starting a relationship with someone you don’t love: Imagine kissing them, and if you feel repulsed, don’t date them.
I imagined embracing the handsome man in front of me and pressing my lips against his. A sharp revulsion welled up from the depths of my chest. It was directed not at Edwin Eccleston, but at myself, Giselle. I’d been tricked into my first kiss with those lips, and my last kiss was a trick as well. As my foolish past, which I had tried to bury, was unearthed, I came to the conclusion that kissing this man wouldn’t be entirely pleasant.
When he lifted his lips from my forehead, I lowered my head as if to draw a defensive line. I had been so caught up in the dancing that I was having fun, but now that I had a moment to think, bad memories and feelings began to gnaw at my mind.
Can I ever get over the past?
Not long ago, I would have confidently claimed that I already had. It wasn’t an exaggeration. At that time, I was living a life where I could shove the past into a dusty mental warehouse and never have to look at it again.
As if to mock me, days where I had to confront that ugly time head-on arrived without any warning. How do I manage a memory that I can no longer forget? I was at a complete loss.
Should I just tell him the truth instead of suffering alone?
Edwin Eccleston seemed like someone who had overcome his past. Even if he hadn’t, he didn’t seem to be burdened by it. Maybe he knew how to handle it?
Even if he didn’t, I was curious to know what he would say. A sly thought crossed my mind—it would be so convenient if he’d just use his sweet words to tempt me, as he had been doing these past few days.
Giselle was about to lift her head to ask but stopped midway. The man had suddenly pulled her close to him to continue the dance. Edwin Eccleston was a man, and he was in love, so it wasn’t strange for him to be swept up in a moment of passion and embrace a woman.
This understanding, however, crumbled the moment the hand that had been stroking her back slid down to where her waist met her hips. Giselle immediately shoved him away from her chest. As their eyes met, her expression had also changed.
—You perverted bastard, what are you touching?
—How can you say «what am I touching» between us?
—So you admit you’re a pervert?
—I’m good at knowing my place.
What a sly, annoying man.
—What? Are you going to slap me and then cry, saying you’re sorry to your old man?
The cunning man smiled Edwin Eccleston’s face right in front of her. As if I won’t hit you. Giselle raised her hand high.
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