My Beloved, Whom I Desire to Kill - 239

—I hate you.

When he had said he didn’t love her, she didn’t hate him, but now that he said he did, she hated him so much she couldn’t stand it.

—Why now?

She would have never thought that a love that was too late would be more resentful than a loveless proposal.

A beautiful but painful love was no different from a rose bush with thorns as plentiful as its flowers. Giselle had to pull it out with her bare hands. And the roots were so deep and firm that every time she tried to pull them out, she felt as if her entire heart was being ripped out with them.

Does this man know how cruel it is when the flower is beautiful even as the thorns dig into your palm and make you bleed?

She was in so much pain she felt like she was going to die, but she didn’t stop because she was afraid that if she didn’t pull out the roots, they would take over the entire ground of her heart, turning it into a barren wasteland where nothing could grow. She was already sick of herself, knowing she would subconsciously wait for a flower bud to form again, even though she knew one would never bloom.

She pulled them out so fiercely, but the thorns in her hands hurt for a long time. She didn’t know how slow the process was for the wounds to heal and for new soil to fill the empty hole where her love had been ripped out.

After all that long and painful waiting, she had finally overcome her fear of thorns and gathered the courage to plant a new love.

And you want me to plant you there again?

—What does that make me? What was the point of all my efforts? They were all for nothing.

This was a very unwelcome confession.

—Do you know that I hate you so much I want to say I do? I’m taking back everything I said about letting go of the past. I want to pay you back.

Giselle never talked about the process of how she gave up on him and moved on. But the mere fact that a woman who always pretended to be strong and that everything was easy for her was now angry at the uselessness of her efforts was enough to show how difficult and painful that process had been.

So, while feeling ashamed, he was also, shamelessly, happy that Giselle was showing him such strong emotions.

He had been so at a loss when she wouldn’t show him what was in her heart, wrapping it up like a fully armed soldier. He now realized that she had been deliberately stringing him along because he had annoyed her, but back then, he had thought her heart was closed forever.

You’ve finally opened your heart to me, if only a little. The crack that appeared when Giselle let out her hidden emotions was an opportunity for Edwin. So even the words that she hated him were a joy to hear.

—I hate myself for that, too.

Giselle’s eyes, which had been glaring at him with her arms crossed tightly over her chest as if to hide the crack in her heart, widened.

—It’s shameless of me to ask you to love me again now, and I’m the kind of person who sticks to my word.

But in the end, he broke his word by lusting after the girl he had raised.

—In every way, I judged that it was right for me to be the only one to know this and take it to my grave. But as you know, it’s not something that happens just because I decide it should, so I guess that was an arrogant thought.

But Giselle had managed to do that difficult thing.

—I lost, but you won. How fiercely you must have fought. Your efforts were not for nothing. I thought you would find my confession absurd, and I hesitated because I was afraid it would just be a confession that reopens your wounds and upsets you… and it looks like I was right.

See? I warned you. Edwin confessed with a bitter smile at the whispers in his mind.

—In a corner of my mind, there’s still a part of me that’s desperately telling me not to do this to you. But what can I do when I want to? It’s pathetic that I can’t even hold back at this age, when I never even did when I was younger.

The spot that he had occupied his entire life was now taken by a stranger. An unworthy man he couldn’t even bring himself to recognize as ‘himself’. Maybe love really was a disease, no different from multiple personality disorder.

—I hate myself like this, so how much more must you hate me?

But the current Giselle didn’t look like someone who hated him. The sharpness in her eyes had long since softened, and her arms, which had been crossed as if to protect her heart from him, had loosened.

When Edwin reached out his hand, she gave him hers, pretending to be reluctant, but fully uncrossing her arms. Inside Edwin, he was splitting into multiple personalities as he watched her. The guardian in him, who believed that no man was good enough for the child he had raised and that the man who had already hurt her was absolutely disqualified, was furious, telling him not to take her hand but to slap her cheek. But the shameless, disqualified man took her hand and pressed it gently against his heart.

—Giselle, even if you hate me, if you don’t hate me enough to not love me, please give me one chance.

Just as her hand had felt his genuine heart for the first time, the corners of Giselle’s lips began to curve into a smile. He was sure she was about to agree, but the moment Giselle bit her lip to hide her smile and took her hand away from his chest, her heart disappeared into the mist again.

She’s hiding her smile. And she wants to lie and say she hates me out of annoyance. It was already obvious that she didn’t hate him. Giselle probably knew that, too.

But even so, she backed away from his request for a chance and was making him anxious. What am I missing?

Giselle’s brow furrowed slightly as she ran a hand through her long blonde hair and put the cigarette back in her mouth. She had the air of a powerful person who had been pushed into a difficult decision.

He had a feeling he knew what she wanted.

Of course, the aura of the powerful person was lost the moment her lazy, nonchalant eyes scanned the bar and widened. She had apparently forgotten that she had dropped her lighter.

I guess I really did turn her world upside down.

On the outside, she acted calm, but on the inside, she was anything but. Giselle, who had just realized where her lighter was, started to get up to pick it up, then paused as she bent forward. She had finally realized that she would either fall into Edwin’s arms or be huddled between his legs.

Her embarrassed gaze darted to the side, then to the back. It was obvious she was thinking she could avoid the embarrassing contact by just pushing her chair back and picking it up. But she couldn’t because Edwin had put the heel of his shoe on the horizontal bar of her chair leg. She gave him a look, silently asking him to move his foot or his leg that was blocking the space between the chairs, but he didn’t budge. Stuck between his legs, Giselle made an expression of frustration rather than a menacing one.

Use me from now on.

Edwin took Giselle by the arm and sat her back down, then picked up the lighter. She must have thought he was going to take it and not give it back. Her eyes widened again as he flicked the lighter on. And when he lit the cigarette she had in her mouth, she looked even more surprised, but at the same time, she couldn’t hide a smug smile.

Giselle crossed her arms and brazenly smoked the cigarette in front of Edwin, tilting her head as if she couldn’t believe the situation. He was letting her smoke a cigarette he hated, and even lighting it for her. It seemed she had just realized she had the power to beat and control Edwin. A satisfied smile quickly took over the face Giselle had tried so hard to keep indifferent.

—You’re not planning to be satisfied with the power of just one cigarette, are you? Giselle, I’m a man who can be of great use to you.

He meant that everything Edwin had acquired since birth and everything he had built up in his life would be hers. He hoped this ambitious lady was ambitious in that way as well, but the Giselle Bishop he knew was a woman with a strong sense of pride and independence. He decided to change his approach slightly.

—If you’ve seen this much today, aren’t you curious about what I’ll do to win your love in the future?

If you reject me, you’ll never know. And power itself is sweet. It’s also a good way to get revenge.

—As you said, it’s so pointless and unfair. Don’t you think it would feel good to make me cry as much as you did?

She glared at him as if his enticing words were annoying, but the corners of her lips were stuck in a smile she couldn’t hide. Her sparkling eyes were already showing excitement. What could be the source of it?

—Giselle, even a chance is more than I deserve.

Don’t give me your love yet. That’s something Edwin wouldn’t dare ask for.

Then, Giselle, who had hidden all her true feelings and returned to being an indifferent woman, held the cigarette between two fingers and wiggled her toes, as if weighing him, then finally delivered the verdict he had been waiting for.

—Fine. I’ll give you a chance. But I can’t guarantee love.

—That’s it.

Despite her arrogant and rude attitude, Edwin smiled as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. His little girl had grown into a woman who wouldn’t be so easily swayed by a man. The guardian in him had no choice but to be satisfied. But his joy was nothing compared to the joy of a disqualified man who had finally earned the right to stand at the starting line.

—Make me love you again.

—As you wish. With pleasure.

Asure: If the translation is more understandable to you this way than the Spanish version, please write a comment.